10 May 2011


Gapper 5/10

Maybe it was the mugging – maybe you’ve always been a homebody
it’s not like the world outside scares you – more of a why bother to go out there
do something with yourself – more a break with everything everyone

Everything is an excuse

The heat – the rain – the cold – the sun – the clouds – the sound of sirens at 3AM
headaches come again and again like they used to and maybe you do wish
you had a ton of money and could just be X or Z

Maybe this is a second gap year

First of all there was that time leaving Santa Fe where you strapped yourself
into Pennsylvania for a year – into a grocery store stock boy job
into the life of small town gay small town driving small town friends

Parents are such crutches

Letting you live there for 12 months – paying for food – clothes – bills – you
put it down to the fact that your sister has things paid for her and you feel
like you paid for yourself for most of your time after high school

For fuck’s sake!

So New York wasn’t the life change it pretends it is
from its perch in the river it hangs loosely to the continent a bulbous shiny object
where dreams go to die – lives are made and sold – but mostly sold

Everything is excuse

The city is tired – there are few people here you relate to – the community
is broken and sad – the rivers of East and Hudson only serve to drain you from yourself
it is 3AM and a gunshot kills someone in the street – a car is set on fire

Pause – you stare into the sun – how do you advance the frame without breaking the reel...

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